FOR THE RECORD

Those wondering who will be our next President got an unexpected answer during the March 15 Inner Circle show: Michael Bloomberg.

The annual satirical roast for charity put on by past and present reporters at the New York Hilton began with the premise that Hizzoner, forced to leave office by the end of next year, would want to preserve his legacy by anointing a successor who thought like him. Thus, the show's title, "Young Mikenstein," as well as its first-act plot: an attempt to inject part of the Mayor's brain into a monster.

WCBS-Radio's Rich Lamb as the Mayor sang, to the tune of "Mona Lisa," "Michael Bloomberg, Michael Bloomberg I adore me/If DaVinci were around he'd paint my face/Here's the nose that chased the smoke from city barrooms/And the lips that labeled trans fats a disgrace."

Something went awry, however: the brain disappeared. When Police Commissioner Ray Kelly was summoned, he quickly perceived that his own hopes of being elected would be compromised if he ran against a monster with Mr. Bloomberg's brain. Played by WNBC-TV's Phil O'Brien, he also worried that homicides had fallen so much, the public might forget about him, singing, to the tune of "Just a Gigolo," "I ain't got no bodies/Nobody's dead for me/ Nobody's dead for me/Cops are sad and lonely/They need a contract/Beef up their salary/'Cause they're paid so bad."

The hunt for the missing brain then moved to the schools, where Randi Weingarten, played by WCBS-TV's Hazel Sanchez, informed mayoral aides, "Sorry, brains are not covered in the UFT contract."

Schools Chancellor Joel Klein, played by CW11's Marvin Scott, interjected, "Look, if I knew where to find a brain, I wouldn't go along with the Mayor's plan to pay parents, Teachers and students incentive money for what they should be doing anyway."

Ms. Weingarten, aided by a few overgrown students, then sang, to the tune of "Thriller," "We get a free lunch, for success/No more Sloppy Joe's, we order takeout from Lutece/That's right a free lunch, is the best/When all you have to do is get kids chasing, acing the test." Eventually the Mayor's brain turned up and was implanted into the monster, but nothing happened until Press Secretary Stu Loeser directed it to step on a manhole cover. One good shock begot another: the monster was Rudy Giuliani, and cast members sang, to the tune of "Puttin' on the Ritz," "So if the Jews in Florida don't vote for you/ What can you do/To make us squirm?/Get another term."

Mr. Bloomberg, determined not to let Mr. Giuliani take over, announced "New York City will secede from the United States of America and become its own nation. And finally, you'll be able to call me President Michael Bloomberg."

Act 2, which dealt with state and national affairs (pun intended), shined a spotlight on Eliot Spitzer. A video sent up the E-Harmony commercials with the hooker known as Kristen, played by WCBS-TV's Kirstin Cole, listing among her turn-ons a man "who takes risks." It concluded with Mr. Spitzer, played by Fox Business News's Mark Lieberman, cavorting with four hookers and declaring, "I'm Eliot Spitzer, and I approved this ad." To the tune of "Love Potion No. 9" he sang, "Nobody loved me up in Albany/That's why I paid a girl to play with me/Bruno and Silver were such a waste of time/Rather spend my days as/Love Client Number Nine."

As Hillary Clinton, Inner Circle president and CW11 anchor Mary Murphy borrowed from Chicago's "Yes, I Can Do It Alone," tying up her husband and singing, "Health care/Who cares?/I swear/That Barack Obama won't get me down/'Cause I'm the best attraction around."

Mr. Obama, played by the Daily News's Jim Harney, later retorted, to Stevie Wonder's "I Wish," "I'll bring some change, to, Washington, D.C./I say that change, won't, come from Hillary/I say it's time, for, a President who's black/I say it's time, to, vote for young Barack/And that's a fact."

This newspaper's Richard Steier, playing Bernie Kerik, to the tune of Sweeney Todd's "Pretty Women" sang, "Bush and Giuliani, oh/Fell for all my lies/Who told them to count on stupid guys?/Get wise/ Oh, pretty stupid ... I deserve the grand prize/Late-night punch-line, likely jailbird/ Pretty stupid."

Mr. Bloomberg offered his rebuttal with the Broadway cast of "Xanadu" and a cameo appearance by Giants quarterback Eli Manning.