Time to Run Wall St. Like City Government; Bankers' Wisdom Sells Short

Mayor Bloomberg and city labor leaders announced today that free tuition for the working-class students of New York would be restored at City University. It was eliminated by the bankers during the 1975 fiscal crisis, who said it was an "extravagance" that the city could not afford.

Jim Callaghan worked for City Council President Paul O'Dwyer during the mid-1970s fiscal crisis. He is a writer for the New York Teacher. The views expressed are his own, not those of his union. He can be reached at mcalla24@aol.com

The Mayor also said that the subway fare would be reduced to pre-1975 levels: 30 cents.

10-Percent Raise For All

The Mayor said he was also pleased to announce an agreement granting all city workers across-the-board raises — 10 percent a year for five years with no givebacks.

In addition, Bloomberg, Governor Paterson and state legislative leaders said they would be submitting pension legislation that would enhance retirement for all city employees: — 55/25 would be changed to 45/15. "It's the least we can do," Bloomberg said, praising the workers' sacrifices since the banks were bailed out by union pension funds in 1975.

MAYOR BLOOMBERG: Help those who deserve it.

"With the numbers being thrown about to rescue Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers and AIG, we sort of figured it was time to share the wealth with the workers," Bloomberg said. "Surely, if we can put hundreds of billions of dollars on the table to save capitalism, we can do the same for the backbone of our city — the workers. They deserve no less."

Ex-Governor Hugh Carey, who, along with the bankers "rescued" the city from bankruptcy in 1975, was unable to attend the meeting. He was busy trying to cash out his Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers stock portfolio. But he did say, "The days of wine and roses are back for city workers."

He asked for forgiveness from the voters for being "dead wrong" about the bankers during the fiscal crisis of the mid-1970s. "I mean, who knew they couldn't count?" Carey asked. "No one told me we were dealing with people who couldn't balance their books, or that they lent money to people who couldn't pay it back, or that they were part of a giant 'hide the assets' scheme that would make Ponzi proud. We all blamed Mayor Beame and profligate city spending and overly generous union contracts. But now we know better."

GOVERNOR PATERSON: Finding a new bedrock.

The bankers' spokesman, from the firm of Dewey, Cheatem And How, had no comment.

Workers Monitor The Street

Bloomberg also announced that an oversight team of city workers made up of Teachers, Sanitation Workers, hospital orderlies, ambulance drivers and bus drivers would take control of Wall Street finances and impose strict spending, borrowing and credit limits. The city workers committee also issued a statement saying that executive salaries at the banks, which now average $10 million a year, would be cut to the average wage of city workers — about $40,000.

The team will be called the Municipal Accountability Corporation, patterned after the Municipal Assistance Corporation of the 1970s, with one huge difference: the workers have been vetted to make sure they are living within their means — that they have not made loans to deadbeats or to off-shore companies, and that their monthly expenses do not exceed their income.

"This is a stellar group of New Yorkers who are giving up their time to teach bankers how to balance their books without resorting to fraud," Bloomberg added. "All New Yorkers should be proud that our city workers have come forward to save the day."

Bloomberg said that as part of the belt-tightening measure, he was canceling all city subsidies to the New York Yankees and New York Mets, who are building stadiums for use 81 times a year. "This will save the city roughly $1 billion," Bloomberg said. "And, besides, what private company using their own money would tear down two perfectly useful factories to build a new plant and only use it 81 times a year?" Bloomberg added that the Yankees, with a $200 million-plus payroll for 25 players, weren't even good enough to make it into the playoffs and World Series, which would have added 11 more games to the calendar. "Maybe at 92 events a year, they can break even," Bloomberg said, "but no one thought they could make a profit with only 81 events a year."

"We can no longer afford to allow the bankers to spend money they don't have," said a spokesman for the city workers. "They must learn to tighten their belts and make sacrifices for the common good." Part of the bailout agreement with Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers is that all of the bankers affected by the agreement will give up any home valued over $500,000 and sell all their boats, racehorses, Caribbean vacation homes and planes. They will also be forced to reduce their family auto fleet to two cars. All multi-million dollar golden parachutes will be turned over to the city treasury, and the money used to fund "Proper (and Legal) Accounting Practices" classes in the public schools.

Won't Get Fleeced Again

Any additional funds from Wall Street or Greenwich, Connecticut yard sales will be forwarded to a new organization started by the Mayor and the union leaders which will be called "Other People's Money Foundation." The new group will study how to make sure that city taxpayers don't get fleeced again when the Wall Street gonifs show up at City Hall with a tin cup and a tambourine, looking for their annual handouts.

Picking up on the city's proposals, Governor Paterson told reporters that "I have directed our Superintendent of Insurance to provide authorization such that AIG can access $20 billion of its assets through its subsidiaries ... To provide liquid cash in order to run the day-to-day operations of the parent company."

Paterson said: "What we have been trying to underscore for months is that the world as we have known it in finance is changing, and this may still be a prelude to other problems. We have seen some of the companies that serve as bedrocks of our economic system unraveling right before our eyes. One of those companies is AIG."

In the spirit of giving, Paterson announced that all state workers could borrow — interest-free — against their future salaries. "I know some bankers have told me this was a truly dumb idea, to give state workers access to money they haven't earned yet," Paterson said. "But, hell, what do they know? If it's good enough for AIG, it's good enough for thruway toll collectors, nurses and social workers. They need the money to run the day-to-day operations of their homes. They are indeed the bedrock of our economy."

For the first time in seven years, Bloomberg admitted he was wrong about a major belief he has held for years. "I have reluctantly changed my mind," he told reporters. "My billionaire Wall Street friends and I have been preaching for years about how government should be run like a business. Who knew I had it all wrong?"

The Mayor said he was ordering several million buttons that will be mailed to every city resident next year when they get their guaranteed real estate and income tax rebate. He even pinned one to his lapel as he gritted his teeth. The button had a simple yet powerful message for America:

"I Love New York — Where Business is Run Like a Government."