Dear Mr. President

To the Editor:

President George W. Bush can open my mail anytime he wants to, but he must abide by the following rules:

1. If it's a bill, he pays it.

2. If it's an ad, he agrees to let the advertiser forward all future mail from that source - to him.

3. If it's a charity, that he give generously in my name.

4. If somebody is threatening me, he eliminates the threat - now that's a threat I care about.

5. If he starts to open my mail, he has to keep opening my mail forever - no backing out.

Now, if I can get the President to do the same for all of my useless e-mail, I may actually have a little time for myself.

MICHAEL J. GORMAN

Editor's note: The writer is a retired NYPD Lieutenant and an attorney.