Ex-Chief Looks Back
For Hayden, Day Never Fades

By RICHARD STEIER

Peter Hayden doesn't need anniversaries to be looming to focus on Sept. 11.

The Chief-Leader/Pat Arnow RETIRED, BUT NOT DISENGAGED: Former FDNY Chief of Department Peter Hayden gave a clue as to the demands of his old job in discussing his new one as a financial services adviser to first-responders, saying, 'Certainly you don't have the intensity of working at the Fire Department, where you focused on preparations for the next terrorist event as well as the daily activity that goes on in the city. It does have its effect on you; it wears you down.'

"Nine-eleven, when you're in the Fire Department - particularly when you were there that day - is ever-present in your mind," the man who was the incident commander for the FDNY at the North Tower said during a Sept. 8 interview.

'You're Never Over It'

Three days later, the former Chief of Department would ring the memorial bell during the ceremonies at the World Trade Center site marking the fifth anniversary of the terrible destruction that claimed the lives of 343 FDNY members. His role was decided on at Mayor Bloomberg's request shortly before Chief Hayden left the FDNY in June.

"You would think," Mr. Hayden said, "that emotionally after five years, you're over it, but every once in a while you have to catch your breath."

Sometimes it is the memories that overtake him; occasionally it is the fallout from that fateful day.

He had a nephew, Michael Glover, whom he described as "almost like a son to me because he lived with us for several years." In the aftermath of 9/11, Mr. Hayden recalled, "We spoke on several occasions about his feeling a need to serve his country."

Killed in Iraq

Finally, Michael Glover, a law student who was 26 years old and decided that if he was to make good on that desire, the time was now, enlisted in the Marines. He was detailed to Iraq in March, Mr. Hayden noted, and killed by enemy insurgents' fire on Aug. 16 in Fallujah, two months before his assignment was to end.

"I wish I could have talked him out of it," he said.

He is aware of the movies and documentaries being released about 9/11, some of which he appears in, but "I don't want to look at them. Seeing pictures of those planes striking the buildings, seeing people jumping out the windows, seeing the collapse, seeing the look on the face of Father Judge [Mychal Judge, the FDNY Chaplain who perished at the Trade Center] just makes it difficult sometimes."

Monday afternoon, after the ceremonies at the Trade Center, he planned to attend the smaller annual gathering at FDNY headquarters in memory of the four top department commanders who died that day while directing the rescue efforts. More than once, he has asked himself how it was that he lived while they died.

'Closer to God'

"There certainly was no rhyme or reason as to who survived and who didn't," Mr. Hayden said. "You say, 'How did I come away, and others come away, unscathed?' But you can't work in the Fire Department for any length of time without getting closer to God, with what you see and what you experience every day in terms of death and tragedy."

On the evening of Sept. 11, as the extent of the Fire Department's losses became clear, then-Commissioner Tom Von Essen said that the agency would rebuild; he just wasn't sure how. Mr. Hayden never harbored any doubts, despite his own grief.

"I always felt we would be able to recover," he said. "It was a very deep wound and would take a very long time, but we would be able to regroup." He counted on the sacrifice made by those who died inspiring others to dedicate their lives to firefighting in spite of the dangers that terrible day had dragged into public consciousness. Today, Mr. Hayden said, "We have a younger department, but it's a better-trained, better-prepared department than ever before."

Concerns Linger

That did not mean that he was sanguine about how the FDNY would respond if, as he believes they will, terrorists strike New York again.

"I think we've made significant improvement in our communications in high-rises and subways, but I think the department still views those as a temporary solution," Mr. Hayden said. "There needs to be a long-range citywide effort to make sure all the emergency agencies can communicate effectively in the time of a large-scale citywide emergency."

The Fire Department has improved its radio system, which proved inoperable at the Trade Center five years ago just as it had been after the 1993 bombing there, and has produced in-house a command-post radio that allows for effective communications between those outside and those responding, Mr. Hayden said. But he still has doubts about whether there will be true coordination among agencies if a disaster strikes, rather than each one focusing on its primary mission to the exclusion of working on problems that affect each other.

Blasted City's Decision

It was that concern that led to what was arguably Mr. Hayden's shining moment during his nearly two years as Chief of Department, which also foretold his failure to last in the FDNY's top uniformed position: his criticism of a new city response protocol that made the Police Department the lead agency in any disaster situation until terrorism could be ruled out. In April 2005, he told the New York Times that the failure to institute a protocol that would ensure a significantly different kind of response than occurred on Sept. 11 was "a recipe for disaster."

Given the chance to tone down his remarks at a subsequent City Council hearing, Mr. Hayden did not move off his contention that the new protocol was misguided. A man not given to flamboyant gestures, he believed he owed the firefighters under his command blunt honesty about the potential pitfalls of the response plan, fighting for them as vigorously as he believed Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly fought for his department in convincing the Mayor to adopt the new policy. The difference was that Mr. Hayden was second-guessing City Hall on a decision that had already been made, and he knew then that there was no chance he would be given tenure as Chief of Department.

He doesn't seem to have any regrets, perhaps because he still has a tangible stake in his old agency. "I have two sons who are in the Fire Department, and they are in harm's way," he said. "There are a lot of other retired firefighters in my position, who have children still working there. Today, the Police and Fire Department are working better together than they have in the past, but there still is a ways to go."

New Way to Help

He spoke from his midtown offices at First Responders Financial, a firm founded last October by Dennis Smith, the former fireman best known for the books he has written about Engine Co. 82 and the Fire Department's performance on 9/11. Mr. Hayden, who became its vice chairman six weeks ago, said it offers a full line of financial services aimed at firefighters, cops, Emergency Medical Technicians, nurses and other emergency workers, including low-cost mortgages, insurance, and investment advice.

"It's getting more and more difficult for the first-responders to provide for their families," Mr. Hayden said in explaining why he decided to "try something new" rather than take one of the numerous offers he got to work in the fire safety field.

He hasn't gone far from the Fire Department. He attended the funerals last month of the two firefighters killed battling a blaze at a 99-cent store in The Bronx, and after the official 9/11 ceremonies planned to attend a mass held every year in the home of Tara Stackpole, whose husband, Timothy, was a veteran fire Captain who returned to work after suffering severe burns in a 1998 fire, only to die at the Trade Center.

"You can't work at a job for 38 years and not have it be a part of you," he said. "I don't miss the daily stress, I don't miss the political involvement, but there's not a day that you don't think about the Fire Department."

And how did he plan to mark his 60th birthday on Sept. 12? "I'll be here in the office," Mr. Hayden said with a slightly rueful grin.