FOR THE RECORD

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory," comedian Steven Wright quipped. "You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

The same holds true for those who work in courthouses, Dennis W. Quirk, the president of the Court Officers' Association, said last week. He was commenting on a series of Daily News stories that showed Court Officers reserving spots for court personnel to park their vehicles.

"The Daily News must be bored," he bristled. "What's exclusive about it? There have been stories over the last 20 years about this."

He noted that officers who work late hours are reluctant to take public transportation. "Many have to stay until 8 or 10 at night," he remarked. "Accommodations should be made."

Reporters, he added, often use press permits to park in spaces that would otherwise be illegal. "Maybe the reporters should give up their special plates too," he said. "They come to the courthouse all the time and double-park. The press thinks there are two sets of rules."

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Bernie Kerik's criminal conviction probably takes him off the short list for FBI Director if Rudy Giuliani is elected President, and a new book makes clear that Police Commissioner Ray Kelly won't be getting the call, either.

"Grand Illusion, the Untold Story of Rudy Giuliani and 9/11," picks up almost where co-author Wayne Barrett left off in his searing 2000 book, "Rudy, An Investigative Biography," in separating the myth from the reality when it comes to our former Mayor.

A Daily News account of the book, which will officially be released next week, featured some scathing comments Mr. Kelly made about Mr. Giuliani's alleged miscalculations and lack of preparation for a terrorist attack.

The Police Commissioner told Mr. Barrettt and his co-author, Dan Collins, that it was "unwise" for the then-Mayor to have moved the city's emergency command center from Police Headquarters to 7 World Trade Center, where it collapsed as part of the destruction wrought by the terrorists crashing planes into the Twin Towers on Sept. 11.

Mr. Kelly took an even harsher swing at Mr. Giuliani by questioning why he and his top aides didn't establish a unified command center on 9/11, saying it could have averted the communication problems that resulted when failures of Fire Department radios prevented scores of firefighters from hearing an order to evacuate the North Tower before it came down. "The radios would have been no problem if they had been at the same command post," Mr. Kelly said of the various agency heads involved in the city's response.

Mr. Giuliani's spokeswoman declined comment.

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Seven million people board the subway each day, and if you believe the publishers of The Subway Chronicles, each one of them has a story to tell.

Based on the popular Web site www.thesubwaychronicles.com, which was founded in 2002 by local writer Jacquelin Cangro, the book version from Penguin offers stories from writers that ring true because the editors chose New Yorkbased authors who actually use public transportation.

Jonathan Lethem confesses his childhood sins in "Speak, Hoyt-Schermerhorn''; The Nation writer Calvin Trillin has some fun with New Yorkers' skepticism in "What's the Good Word?"; and Francine Prose recalls her feelings of adolescent independence riding the subway alone in "A Breakup Story."

The authors will be at the New York City Transit Museum at 130 Livingston St. in Brooklyn on Aug. 30 at 5 p.m. for a reading and discussion.

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Cops and firefighters will bring a little John McEnroe swagger to the tennis courts of Crotona Park Aug. 19 when they face off as part of the Annual GHI Bronx Tennis Classic.

Their competition, being held beginning at 11 a.m. on the day of the semifinals for the larger tournament, is the inaugural edition of what is billed as the GHI Bravest vs. Finest Tennis Championship. GHI will award the winning team a trophy and make a contribution to its department's widows and orphans fund.

Admission to the Bravest vs. Finest event is free. For further information, call (718) 786-7110.